bad metaphor

I talked briefly before about how I’m part of this group called Sexuality Education Committee on campus. We arrange presentations and bring speakers to campus to educate our fellow students about various sundry topics that fall under the umbrella of sexuality, such as intimacy, jealousy, homosexuality, as well as the physical aspects of sex. So for the past two nights we’ve been putting on this event called “Sex in the Dorms,” where we basically invade the dorms and scholarship halls and discuss topics such as how to put on a condom, what to do if you are date raped, what options of birth control there are out there, etc.

Sounds very high-school biology class, but it’s actually pretty fun, and we have segments where we get the audience to play games involving condoms and cups of milk (it’s pretty hilarious to see the expressions on people’s faces when they come in and we ask them to take one of the cups. Tonight I actually had some people that refused to take them. Pansies). The cups of milk are for our STI demo (that stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection, which we use in favor of STD because supposedly there’s less stigma associated with an infection than with disease) – they are meant to represent bodily fluids. We “infect” some of the cups with starch, then have people exchange their cups of bodily fluid in a wonderful orgy of unprotected sex, and then go around and drop iodine in each cup to see how far the “infection” has spread. It tends to spread pretty far and drive home the message that protection is necessary. Though it doesn’t stop some people from actually drinking out of the cups beforehand. Nevermind the big bold signs, folks, and just you ignore all those loser sex ed people telling you not to drink them!

Another part of the presentation is a demonstration about the proper way to put on a condom. Pinch the tip, so that an air bubble doesn’t form at the top – which makes the condom more likely to burst during ejaculation. Don’t reuse them. And so forth. So we SEC people passed out these colorful rubber penis facsimiles for the people in the audience to practice on. And the people were utter pansies. A few people eagerly volunteered to take them (a little -too- eagerly in some cases, and one girl afterwards said she wanted to keep hers), but for the most part I was getting pretty frustrated because there’d be a big block of uptight freshman guys who either avoided eye contact so stubbornly that they were twisting around at Cubist angles, or guys that looked at the things like they were already slathered in chlamydia juices or something. C’mon, guys, all of you (supposedly) have one! It’s not like we’re asking you to shove it up your bums, we just want you to hold it. I was getting so frustrated that when Geena, the brassy lesbian SEC member behind me, suggested that I throw the rest of them, I followed her suggestion without thinking and then lobbed a hot pink specimen across the room and smacked a poor girl who was looking the other way in the shoulder.

I apologized profusely afterwards. Luckily she didn’t seem to mind, after recovering from the shock of being hit out of nowhere by a flying pink dildo.

But anyway, other than that, and other than the fact that tonight’s audience in general resembled a middle school pep assembly than a group of mature scholars, the night went smoothly enough. A lot of people came, and got some really great information, which is pretty sorely lacking around these parts. I’m sure part of it has to do with the fact that I live in the middle of the Bible Belt, but I bet that sex education across the country, with the exception of a few hyper-liberal schools here and there, isn’t particularly stellar, because of how widespread misconceptions seem to be. It’s part of the abstinence-only education effect: sure, bombard them with naked people on movies and TV and billboards, and imbue every advertisement, even ones for postage stamps, with sex; but with people under 21, oh, try not talking about it! If you just tell them not to do it, they won’t think about it! Teenagers always do what their parents and teachers say, and never want to do things that are forbidden. No-sir-ree.

Anyway, I don’t really care if people choose to not have sex before marriage. That’s their business. However, there’s no reason that all people, even those that aren’t having “sex” per se (but are probably engaged in other intimate acts which many don’t count as being “sex,” i.e. oral sex or fingering), shouldn’t at the very least educate themselves about their bodies. Like it or not, our bodies are a pretty important part of our selves, and you can choose to view it in a number of ways: 1) as sinful, base and full of evil impulses, 2) as a commodity, worth what value others assign to it or 3) as a beautiful, cherished aspect of ourselves which we can choose to intimately share with a committed partner. Heh, I guess it’s pretty clear what option I prefer, but whatever. The point is, we should educate ourselves about our options, and act accordingly. Yes, abstinence is the only 100% proven way of not getting infections or babies, but with proper protection and smart planning, you can be sexually active and 99% safe, and live very (very) happily.

Sorry to be so preachy. I’m pretty stirred up on this particular issue because as aforementioned, I do live in the Bible Belt, and Kansas especially is more than a bit crazy on issues like abstinence and abortion and whatnot. Earlier this week, while walking to class, I walked past a huge sidewalk chalk drawing of a giant penis with teeth. This made me giggle at first, until I noticed that written underneath Mr. Bitey was the word “ABSTINENCE!” in capital letters. Then I was too busy being offended. Why was there not a corresponding vagina with teeth? So it’s the woman’s job to remain vigilant and abstinent? Way to reinforce women’s discomfort with sexuality, and reinforce the idea that men are uncontrollable raging sex-pires. (They might have been warning gay men to stay away from the toothy penii in addition, but for some reason I doubt the Abstinence only people aren’t also heterosexist in their world views).

Because it’s become a controversial issue in our state, I feel like my sexual education, prior to coming to college, was pretty lacking. Rather than strongly take an abstinence-only bent, which would anger some people, or do a fully comprehensive sex education curriculum, which would really piss off others, my high school sex education consisted of bombarding us with grotesque slides of people with bizarre complications arising from STI’s, and then hoping we would be too grossed out to want to do it. Actually, now that I think of it, that was like my driver’s ed class too, only replace “gonorrhea in the eye” with “motorcyclist’s brain splattered on the turnpike.” Well, most of the people that were in my class regularly break the speed limit and don’t wear helmets when riding their bikes, so we know that shock tactics are no great deterrent.

I don’t really have a solid basis for comparison, since I don’t know anyone who didn’t go to high school in the Midwest, but the majority of people I know my generation are really pretty dumb when it comes to sex. Myself included. I’ve taken the liberty of including some facts, just to show you how lame our sex education was, that I was blissfully unaware of before I came to college:

1) Never try to wear two condoms at the same time. It’s not double the protection, it’s double the friction and hence chance of breakage.

2) Some herbal supplements will drastically reduce the effectiveness of contraceptives. Your doctor should be able to tell you which ones, and if you are on birth control, you should consult your doctor before taking anything new, even things that seem as innocuous as St. John’s Wort. (Don’t totally rely on your doctor to know everything, though, as my friend Tess found out – a doctor at the student pharm told her that it was okay for her to take SJW, and it was only until she double checked with her family physician back home that she learned about it conflicting with birth control. Well, I guess that’s a student pharm for you)

3) Women seem to be at higher risk from contracting HIV from their male partners, than men are from contracting it from women.

I had more things that I had thought of earlier, but am too tired now to remember. I’ll add them to the list as I remember. But seriously, though, did I just have the worst biology teachers in high school and middle school? Am I not remembering things correctly? Is everyone else in the rest of the country just as ill-informed about sex, or am I on an island covered in sunflowers and chastity belts?

– Added some more:

4) Condoms with spermicidal lubricant may actually increase the rate of transmission of HIV and other STIs. The spermicide can wear at the lining of the vaginal walls, thus causing irritation and increasing the openings for the HIV virus to enter. According to this Consumer Reports, it can also increase the woman’s chances of getting a urinary tract infection. So the best bet is to get a non-spermicidal, water-based lubricated condom. Emphasis on water, as oil-based lubricants can break down the latex material, increasing the chance that the condom will break.

5) (Unconfirmed, I’m still looking into this subject) Apparently the longer you are in a sexually active relationship, the more likely it is that the woman will get pregnant, regardless if she is on birth control. It has to do with the woman’s body getting more accustomed over time, to a particular man’s sperm, and therefore her natural resistance to the sperm decreases. This is from a conversation I had with Tess, who was like a walking Sex-clopedia when it comes to these matters. Evolutionarily it makes sense – it’s more advantageous to have offspring in a stable, long-term relationship, but I’m still trying to locate a study on the subject. At any rate, using a condom makes sense even if you are in a monogamous relationship and on birth control!

And the intelligent design debate rages on. Something that shouldn’t even be an issue in public education in the world’s most powerful country in 2005. The CNN article is a good example of how the creationists have coopted language in order to present themselves as the enlightened, scientific ones, their freedom of speech being quashed by those nasty evolutionists:

But in his opening statement, the school district’s attorney defended Dover’s policy of requiring ninth-grade students to hear a brief statement about intelligent design before biology classes on evolution.”This case is about free inquiry in education, not about a religious agenda,” argued Patrick Gillen of the Thomas More Law Center in Ann Arbor, Michigan. “Dover’s modest curriculum change embodies the essence of liberal education.” The center, which lobbies for what it sees as the religious freedom of Christians, is defending the school district.

There’s so much double-speak in these two paragraphs that I don’t even know where to begin. They’re fighting for the right to make children listen to what is essentially malarkey? This is not about religion, yet they’re lobbying for religious freedom? I’m already getting a headache, and I’m only two paragraphs into the article.

Creationists/ID’ers tend to defend introducing ID into public school curriculum by arguing this freedom of speech angle. I don’t know when freedom of speech began to include the freedom to be stupid. If we’re going to go ahead and teach any old idea (note that I call it an “idea”, as opposed to a “theory” which is a set of statements to explain phenomena that has been heavily tested and widely accepted by the vast majority of the scientific community, apart from a few whackjobs), then why not teach that the sun revolves around the earth, which is also supposedly supported by the Bible? Or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which is, imho, a much sexier idea than intelligent design. Which reminds me, I need to write a letter to my representatives to support the use of pirates to combat our hurricane woes. Arrr, matey.

Honestly, I don’t care what these people believe. That’s the domain of faith, and nobody wants to change their opinions. I don’t even really care if intelligent design is taught in schools. As long as it’s in the myths and legends class, alongside Hopi creation stories and Viking tales. Where it belongs. If people absolutely don’t want their precious kids’ ears being tainted by any of that there evolution talk, then what’s stopping them from sending their kids to private school? Where, as an added bonus, they wouldn’t have to hear about all that nasty sex stuff either.

I’ll give the creationists credit, though, for being creatively zany. Apparently there’s a Christian Dinosaur Museum being built in California, in an effort by the creationists to “take the dinosaurs back.” I guess this is like a cosmic touch football game, Darwin vs. Jesus or something. I guess the story is that the dinosaurs not only walked the earth with people, they also got onto Noah’s ark and then later became extinct due to overhunting. No answer yet as to why the T-rexes didn’t just destroy the shit out of that ark while devouring everything else.

12:30 in the afternoon, my apartment:

Guy (knocks on door): tap tap tah tap tap.

Me (bleary eyed and in pajamas, opens door): What do you want?

Guy (nervously extends hand for shake): Hi, how are you today. I’m doing a social project and I’m supposed to find 200 friendly and non-violent people. I was wondering if I could take some time to talk with you today. Are you friendly and non-violent people?

Me (narrows eyes): We’re busy.

Guy: Oh! So sorry to bother you, I’ll be on my way now.

Me (slams door): Soliciting bastards.

The boy (laughing): Wasn’t that a bit harsh?

Me: Did you want to talk to him? I didn’t think so.

So a bus carrying hurricane evacuees exploded this morning, killing 24 people. Clogging one of the exit highways, making traffic even more inert, and there are still thousands of cars at a standstill, waiting for the storm surge to sweep them away. Now God officially is majorly pissed off with us (or the Gulf Coast people, at least). I have a sinking feeling that more people are going to die in this one, probably mostly due to being in their cars when Rita hits. Think about it. If a brick building has a slim chance against a CAT 4 ‘cane, how’s your little Honda Accord gonna fare? Also, there is the new added threat of exploding buses, which is really just way over the top. A little too apocalyptic and doom-laden for my tastes. Seriously, enough people are probably going to eat it anyways without throwing giant flamey metal husks of doom into the equation:

This just goes to show that even advanced warning and massive evacuation can have its problems. Granted, the advanced warning really wasn’t all that advanced (Rita wasn’t even named until Monday, for crying out loud). Still. I bet most of the people evacuating have been spurred on by what happened in New Orleans, but the reason why that was so bad was because NO was a big bowl under sea water, kept from being filled in by unstrengthened levees. The people directly on the coast, Galveston and Texas City and such, really need to get out because of the storm surge, but the people further inland, like Houston, will probably be fine, apart from some flooding and definite power outages. At least, I hope. I am no weather expert, and even the actual weather experts seemed to have been confounded by this storm:

Haha. Wacky two-steppin’ hurricanes.