bad metaphor

Yes, I know it’s old hat to complain about spam. But seriously, how many people still look at the comments on their blogs and think, “oh splendid, a message written in a pidgin hybrid of Esperanto and Tourette’s, telling me to click on this mysterious link promising nubile displays of faux teenage lesbianism* . Verily I should comply”? Ditto with the emails that somehow slip past ten aggressive filtering rules (there really are that many for my email account at work, and they barely make a dent in the flood of spam). I’m fine with the spammers targetting the hapless idiots who look at underage porn* all day, with nary a spyware-removal or antivirus program, nor even a decent pop-blocker. Those people are just asking for it, and I guess spammers have to eat too. But if I’ve invested effort into keeping scumbags like you out of my inbox and off my blog, why in the hell would I make an exception for your useless “Vaigra” ad?

I realize that most of these posts/emails are sent by soulless bots and not actual people. Still, someone had to write those scripts. That someone is probably laying out on a beach in the Bermudas now, living it up off the stupidity of a handful of tremendous Internet noobs, and the accumulated irritation of the millions of us others. I’m not sure who I should be more mad at: the spammers or the dorks who fall for them, ensuring spam’s profitability.

*Now taking bets on how many hits I’ll get for these phrases. Hi perverts!

Whee, I am done! Here’s proof of my victory, in the form of a photo that makes it look like I’m being arrested:

Now I can go back to my other three knitting projects I was working on before the Olympics. Oh, and I guess all that stuff for school, too.

Sad things:

• South Dakota’s ban on abortions. How dare those women think of being anything but baby carriers. The greatest part, I think is this bit:

  “I didn’t want money to be the reason people wouldn’t vote for this bill,” said Leslee J. Unruh, founder and president of the Abstinence Clearinghouse in Sioux Falls, who said she could not disclose the identities of those who had pledged money. “We’re concerned with the 800 children aborted here every year.”

  Well then. I hope, if this rollback to the Dark Ages doesn’t get shot down, Ms. Unruh and the Morality Brigade are willing to pledge the money to support the health care, education, and subsistence of these 800 fetuses. Per year. For the entirety of their childhoods until adulthood. Because they’re just that concerned about the children. Right?

• I have a story due Monday, a Brit Lit paper due Tuesday, and two more stories to finish before the English Awards on Thursday. And the deadline to apply to graduate next week (thanks be to Paul, my normally absent-minded roommate, for notifying me about this development), which means I have to get my shit together and make sure that I can graduate. It seems like every time I meet with my advisor, there’s one more glitch to resolve. Maybe the curse about walking through the Campanile before you graduate is real.
• The beautiful Golden Dome of Iraq has lost its top, somewhat metaphoric of religious extremists. The apocalypse may actually be nigh this time.
• These bears were put down after one of them bit a little boy whose mother let him wander off into the freaking BEAR AREA, which is surrounded by multiple fences, that’s some good parenting form there. They were put down to determine if the boy might have contracted rabies from the bite. The bears tested negative.
• Bird flu. Also, the random flu-of-many-faces that has infected almost everyone surrounding me except for the boy and myself. It’s only a matter of time.
• Drinking away the above mentioned sorrows will heighten my risk of getting breast cancer. Fuck.

Happy things:

• Well, I should have the opera gloves done in time. I think.

Guess which one wins. I’m off to you know where now.

Operation: Opera Gloves is well under way:

It’s not perfect, as I still keep getting these ghastly holes whenever I do an increase (as you can quite plainly see in the photo). But it’s good enough for me, and it’s a really nice fit. Hopefully the second glove will turn out less hole-y – or should I be trying to knit it to match its sister?