bad metaphor

We hadn’t seen a movie in a bona-fide, overpriced, sticky-gummy-floor theater since the last millenium, so the boy and I went along with a group of people last night to see Superman Returns. I didn’t have very high expectations for this movie, seeing as I didn’t like any of the Spiderman movies, or for that matter, any comic book movie I’ve seen (except for V for Vendetta, which, as any uppity nerd will inform you, is a “graphic novel”). Plus, what vague snippets I remembered from the old Christopher Reeve movie include the scene when they fly above the Earth (so romantic) and Lois Lane serenades him with MySpace poetry (so technologically forward for the seventies!). I’m also picky about movies, not because I am some know-it-all film snob or anything, but because they involve sitting still for a number of hours. Plus, in theaters, you can’t knit unless there are constant explosions providing you light to see by. And I hate Michael Bay movies.

Superman Returns turned out to be pretty entertaining. I was a little uncertain about Brandon Routh as Superman, at first. At the beginning, when Clark Kent is reunited with his mother (Eva Marie Saint, who I thought was dead but is just ninety million years old and still making films), the delivery of his lines just made me want to cringe, it felt so Keanu Reeves: “Hello mother. I’m back. Whooa.” Also, the guy looks like a living Photoshop. Seriously:

I couldn’t stand to look at him at first. He just looked too fake-real, and I guess my reaction would fall under Uncanny Valley response. But I got used to his goofy mug, after a good while into the movie. Also, there’s no denying that his cartoonish look fit the part of Superman nicely; he looked even more Supermannish than Reeve (imo. My memories of the old Superman are pretty fuzzy). I could stand to look at him more when he was the goofy, running-into-things Clark Kent; then my brain could process him as human.

Also on actors’ appearances, is it just me or does Kate Bosworth look like ten different people? People who don’t necessarily look alike themselves? I thought I saw Nicole Kidman, Thora Birch, Christina Ricci, and at one point she even looked kind of like Jessica Simpson. What is she, some pretty celebrity doppelganger?

Nicole Kidman?

The woman from I Dream of Jeannie?

Sydney??

After seeing this movie, I think Lois Lane ought to be billed as the next Superwoman. She only got slammed into walls, conked by solid metal doors, and hit over the head with various flying objects including luggage and expensive pottery about, oh, five thousand times during the whole movie, with nary a bruise or scratch marring her perfect makeup. Her powers could consist of invincibility and ability to replace other actresses in case shit goes down on the set, like they break a nail (Superwoman never breaks a nail).

What made the movie for me was the cast of bad guys. Kevin Spacey plays Lex Luthor, and he does a fabulous job at being hilarious but also convincingly evil. Yeah, he’s deadpan in practically every movie he’s in, but he’s so good at it, I hope he never stops. Parker Posey also adds a nice touch as the mistress (though she does get a bit whiny towards the end). I did like the good guys, bizarro looks notwithstanding, but I definitely rooted for the villains for most of the movie. Really, Lex Luthor isn’t that evil, he just wants to make a buck; not his problem if that buck comes from a ridiculous plan to take over the world :)

Verdict: Super entertaining, a bit cheesy at times – yet a vast improvement on previous cheesy movies / TV shows, and awesome villain and co. Also, there is definitely a hilarious Jesus-figure bent to the movie, as the NYT review points out.

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