One glance at my apartment floor, and you could never tell that a vacuum had been in the neighborhood, let alone run; a certain intrepid quadruped has occupied himself by blanketing the area with the allergenic remnants of his fur. The shedding never slackens in pace, regardless of the weather - one would think that he would be interested in keeping his outer coat during colder times, but that is a mistake of common sense. Current brushing does a pitiful job of combating the fur problem, so I solicited the advice of my feline-owning sister, who recommended getting a rubber brush. While running errands yesterday, I stopped by Pet World on a whim to look for it.

Pet World does not carry this particular brush. Instead, they offer what I now refer to as the Ultimate Destroyer of Dandered Fur:

They don’t beat around the bush with names.

“I’d really recommend this,” said the Pet World Employee. “This is the first thing I recommend to everyone getting a new cat, or looking for a good brush. It really takes off all the dander.”

“Yes,” I said, looking at the box skeptically, “but…does it take off the skin too? I don’t really want him that clean.”

“No, no,” said the employee, seemingly oblivious to the discomfort that the word “blade” elicits in an overly protective pet owner. “Actually, a rubber brush is probably more likely to hurt the cat, because it grabs at the skin.”

“Seriously? It’s kind of, uh…intense looking.”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve got a bigger one than this that I use on my cat. He loves the shedding blade.” She added that I could hang on to the receipt, and return the product if I was unsatisfied. I’m not sure if the return would still be accepted with bits of mangled, terrified cat dripping from the serrated teeth of the shedding blade, but I figured I’d give it a shot.

And you know what? It works! Never before have I had a brush that removed dead fur so efficiently, and Quark’s coat now looks glossy and well-cared for. He actually tolerates the shedding blade much longer than the inferior plastic brush I had been using, though he did make me a bit nervous when he started rubbing his face against the tiny metal teeth. The metal does a good job attracting the fur, possibly due to some combination of static electricity and voodoo magic, and fur removal is relatively easy.

One important lesson I have gleaned from this product: never judge by names. Next time, I might give the Projectile Pet Fountain a try, maybe the Carpet Bomb Scratching Post, or perhaps even the Recycled IED Litter (for multiple cat households)!