bad metaphor

Fat, lazy, general no-goodnik.

Problem: The feline in question, pictured above, is on the brink of morbid obesity, which increases risk of health problems including diabetes and floor-shattering.

Proposed solutions: reduce his food intake, increase exercise.

Problems with the proposed solutions:

Increasing his exercise proves to be difficult as the feline displays aggressive inertia, to the point that only the possibility of food entices him to move. That enticement, unfortunately, negates any positive effects of the exercise.

Reducing his food intake also proves to be difficult, as the cat has taken to retaliation at 3:00 in the morning. Behaviors include walking on owners head and vocalizing until the owner relents and dispenses more food.

Withholding food during daylight hours has also proven to be difficult, in that the cat will vocalize in the absence of the owner. The owner’s neighbors, alarmed by the increasingly distressed vocalizations, have taken it upon themselves to push food through the gap under the door, to feed the hungry feline (gap is not wide enough for neighbors to see the “starving kitty.”) Subsequently, the feline has learned that loud vocalization will result in food suddenly appearing underneath the door.

Current dilemma: how to make the cat lose weight, and stop the neighbors from calling the animal equivalent of CPS?

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