bad metaphor

Crossposting from Facebook, because I am lazy. If you’re reading this and you have a blog – tag, you’re it! Now you have to think of twenty-five dumb things to write about yourself!

1. I didn’t start cooking until I was 18, and I didn’t start cooking things that weren’t out of a box mix until I was 23
2. From first grade through fourth I rarely spoke at school, and when I did it I used a fake voice.
3. I have knit more sweaters for cats than for people.
4. 80% of my theological knowledge comes from a Jehovah’s witness children’s picture bible.
5. I learned how to ride a bike when I was 22
6. When possible I avoid walking directly on grated surfaces.
7. I hate lists like these and this is the first time I have responded to one.
8. I did not care one iota for politics at all, beyond watching the Daily Show occasionally, before last year.
9. The only animal I have ever killed with my car was a kitten, at 10th and Mississippi
10. Once I got hit in the face during volleyball in gym class, and a boy I had a crush on laughed at me, and so I cried. I did not want to admit to my friend that I was crying over a boy, so instead I told her I was crying because it was Vietnam Veteran’s day (it wasn’t).
11. I spent years addicted to text-based MUDs. If you have no idea what these are, then you are a MUCH cooler person than I will ever be.
12. Once I poured liquid dishwashing soap instead of detergent in the dishwasher, and my kitchen flooded with bubble water like something out of an episode of “I Love Lucy”
13. Re: #4, I thought that merely “lying down next to” someone else would get me sent to hell. Sleepovers were traumatic until I discovered euphemisms.
14. I live in a house with no central heat, in the midst of a terrible Kansas winter, and sometimes I feel like I’m Laura Ingalls Wilder. Especially when I’m rooting around in my neighbors’ yards for kindling.
15. I ended up having what I -thought- was my new pet duck for dinner, and didn’t realize this until ten years later.
16. I evidently like to overshare.
17. I’m embarrassed that after two years I’m still working at the same place I worked while I was an undergraduate student.
18. I’m embarrassed that I am embarrassed about having a secure source of income with benefits, while others are getting laid off or are endlessly searching for jobs right now.
19. I’m mortally jealous of my friends who are currently globe trotting and having way more interesting lives than me. They keep posting photos and accounts of their adventures, which come up on my Facebook feed. Jerks.
20. In the two years since I’ve graduated with my creative writing degree, I have not written any fiction.
21. I know just enough Vietnamese to say “Hi,” “What’s your name” and maybe enough to order food in a restaurant, rudely.
22. I do a lot of Internet-surfing and list-posting at work.
23. I am a terrible klutz – two weekends ago I spilled two drinks in succession, one of which belonged to the bouncer at the Taproom, and I am kind of scared of going back there again.
24. Sometimes I worry that my sewing machine will eat me!
25. A number of these items are bullshit, guess which ones and how many and you get a gold star.

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