The Golden Rule
Those who know me know that I often complain about interacting with people who are not fully mentally on at work, but today it was my turn to be the ditzy one. My friend Indie Dan, who has relocated to Idaho, asked me on Tuesday if I would drop by the Zerglish* department to pick up a reference letter. I agreed, and he said it would be available “after tomorrow,” meaning Wednesday.
I stopped by this morning to check and see if it was there. The reception girl checked and said it wasn’t, and asked me more details about it. Now I am not a total moron or anything, but I have to reaffirm that conviction every now and then because sometimes I end up doing or saying incredibly stupid things. One common error is a tendency, when relaying information, to repeat things verbatim exactly the way they were said to me. Without changing the frame of reference. This error happens with more frequency when I am busy with other tasks and my attentional resources are strained. Such was my state of mind today, standing in the Zerglish office and talking to the receptionista. This is what I thought the exchange had been:
Me: “Oh, the professor said on Wednesday that the reference letter would be available after tomorrow.”
Receptionista: “Ah, usually when professors say that it won’t be available until the afternoon.”
Readers may note that this response makes absolutely no sense but I accepted it at the time because I had shit to do, etc. So I went away, making a mental note to come back and check on it when I was finished with a zillion other tasks that had come up at work. Tasks finished, I needed to run a cross-campus errand anyways so I decided to drop by the Zerglish department again. “Hey, I came by earlier. So is that reference letter ready?”
At this, the receptionista shot me a chilly glare. “It’s not here yet. If a professor says it will be ready ‘after tomorrow,’ it won’t be ready till then.” Looking back at our previous exchange, I realized what had actually transpired:
Me: “The professor said it would be available ‘after tomorrow’…”
Receptionista: “Oh, well usually when professors say that, it won’t be ready until then.”
Ohhh. Clumsily, I tried to explain the miscommunication that had transpired, but it was far too late – lines were severed and the receptionista was not receiving. “Nope, it’s not here. I can even check the professor’s mailbox.” She stomped over to the mailboxes. “Nope, don’t see it!” giving me an exaggerated shrug from down the hallway. Folding easily against the intensity of her ire, I left, laughing a little bit, because how many times have I pulled the bitchy receptionista routine on other people? Once I even told some poor professor on the phone that yes, indeed a course numbered 450 satisfies an academic requirement for 300 level courses and beyond, in the most patronizing tone I could muster, “because 450 is bigger than 300.”
At the time I realized I was being cruel and decided to take sick leave for the remaining half hour of the day, due to an acute sense of bitchiness. I am torn between sympathizing with receptionista, being offended by her offendedness, and thinking, “goddamn, is that how I come across?” I hereby resolve to be a nicer and more patient secretary. Even with the people that wander into my office seemingly half-comatose and oblivious to neon signage.
* Real names changed, as is the manner with this blog.

