Airports induce stress. I’m sure it has a lot to do with the fact that everyone is rushing around, trying to get to their planes on time, while tumbling through the obstacle course that is airport security. I recognize the need for heightened security, especially nowadays - though I can’t take some aspects of it seriously, like the color coded threat level, which remains a constant hue of terrifying macaroni and cheese orange. I’m beginning to suspect, however, that the constant changes in pressure, from repeated takeoffs and landings, begin to do something not quite pleasant to the human brain.

My trip almost got off to an unpleasant start, starting with the Kansas City International Airport. Now the busiest I’ve ever seen KCI cannot even rival the deadest times at an O’Hare or JFK; realistically you could, if you wanted, show up to the airport half an hour before, and expect to make it through security with plenty of time to spare. Most of the eateries seem to close up shop by 8 or 9, that’s how un-busy it is at KCI. Such was the case the day I left. This didn’t seem to put other travelers at ease, however; for the most part people were really snippy and anxious. The line to the ticket counter was about five or six people long, and moving at a fairly even pace. A man in front of me decided to leave the line for some reason, and was retrieving his suitcases. When I failed to move forward in the brief nanosecond after his suitcase had rolled out of the way, I felt myself propelled forward by the man in line behind me! Indignant, I turned around - the man had actually bumped me, not with his hands or suitcase, but with his oversized paunch. Yes, that’s right, I got penguin-bumped by a complete stranger.

Then another woman, a mini-Blanche DuBois behind him complained about how “it’s usually never like this. This is unbelievable. Simply unbelievable,” fanning herself and waving her arm towards the line. Of five people (well, now, four). I’d hate to see Blanche’s reaction when she inevitably had a layover in a real international airport.

After I got my tickets and scrambled away from the wrath of the penguins, I headed toward the security checkpoint for my gate. I stopped when I realized that I was several hours early, and decided to stop by the bathroom before going in. I paused to tuck my tickets and passport inside my purse, and a guy behind me (politely, but frostily) said, “Ma’am?” gesturing to the security gate. It was as if he’d badly wanted to cut in line, but decided to go the well-mannered route. The thing is, though, there wasn’t a line at all, and there was nobody either around or beside me - except this dude, who was evidently tailgating me on foot.

Now I’m certainly not a fan of sloth-paced people when I’m in a hurry myself. It was really odd, though, because KCI, as usual, was quiet as a mausoleum that day. No lines, either at security or otherwise, and really no reason to freak out, unless they showed up really late to try and catch their flight. I guess people need something to do in an airport beyond browsing the endless selection of SkyMalls and travel pillows, and stressing out is just as good of an activity as any.