My enjoyment of the outdoors these hot, muggy summer nights is greatly tempered by the throngs of winged death monsters congregated outside. They lurk in bushes, grass, shadows, and seem to materialize out of the air around me, ready to consume my tasty Vietnamese flesh. I must douse myself in Off! Skintastic or risk getting [...]
I’ve tried to like oatmeal. I really have. It’s the quintessential good food, the food that probably cures cancer and AIDS and is the long-awaited solution to the Riemann Hypothesis. It apparently lowers cholesterol and rescues kittens from burning buildings. It’s versatile and quick-to-fix, meaning one can put just about anything under the sun on [...]
In theory, I approve of nature. It’s green and prettier to look at than, say, a coal factory or endless suburbs. I recognize the fact that there is no dividing line between humans and nature, despite the eight lane freeways we build around us. I’m opposed to the destruction of wetlands, irresponsible fossil fuel consumption, [...]
Everybody sniffles. It seems like, just with cracking one’s knuckles, once one person starts, the whole room starts in a chorus of nasal fluid reuptake. I am okay with sniffling, being a chronic sniffler myself, as I am allergic to roughly everything that has either cell walls or fur (and also cockroaches. Cockroaches!). This morning [...]
